May 26, 2015

Many people are afraid to express anger, even in a marriage. This can lead to holding in feelings, which can lead to resentment and even divorce.

Releasing anger may be one of the keys to lasting relationships. Without dealing with anger, you may find yourself emotionally constipated and taking it out on your spouse in other ways.

Anger doesn't have to be Mean

Often, people are afraid of anger because they associate it with violence and being mean. Anger doesn't have to be used to cause harm and just because you may have seen that in other relationships in your life, it doesn't have to be the same in your relationship.

Anger doesn’t have to be Controlling

Anger expressed by dumping it on others or repressing it can be more about control than expressing anger. However, when anger is expressed properly, it's not about control, fear or anxiety. It's about expressing how you feel in a healthy way, with an important emotion.

A Healthy Way to Express Anger

The anger process includes three steps to allow you to express anger in a healthy way. Start by expressing your anger fully towards the person without their presence. Yell, scream, kick something, hit a pillow or anything else that doesn't harm you or someone else.

Next, ask yourself who the person reminds you of from your past. Then, express your anger again.

The final step of the process is to recognize how you are not taking care of the conflict and treating yourself poorly. This will help to bring the issue to yourself and make you take responsibility without hurting the person you are angry with.

You don't have to repress anger and you don't have to yell at your spouse. Using the anger process can help you learn to deal with anger in a healthier way.

You may be able to avoid divorce by learning how to deal with your anger. If you're already divorced, this could help to make your next relationship healthier.