Jan 09, 2015

When you and your spouse have decided it’s time to get a divorce, having children together can make things much more stressful. You have no choice but to put the emotions you have for your spouse aside and to think about your children first.

They will need you badly now because they are losing their parent’s marriage and becoming a child of divorce. No matter the reason for the divorce, children don’t take it well and it will have a huge effect on them. Here is what you should do for your child to put them first after a divorce.

Promote Consistency

You should work with your ex in making the children’s lifestyle and routine consistent and loving. The child needs a relationship with both parents and should have enough time to spend with each of them. Even if you have negative feelings about the other parent, you need to put those feelings aside since your child’s relationship with them is so important.

You child should not take on the burden of your emotional pain from the fallout of the divorce so do what it takes to show kids that you are good with their other parent and are willing to work at a healthy relationship with their other parent.

Don’t Disclose Details

Be sure to keep details of the divorce secret from your children. They don’t need to know about affairs, financial matters and arguments that took place. They can’t process details like this and it only hurts your children to hear it. Make sure you talk about this to a friend or therapist rather than your children if you need to get it off your chest.

Take on Your Child’s Perspective

Make sure you’ve considered your child’s perspective. Their perspective is unique and won’t be the same as yours. Children are autonomous individuals so it is important for you to consider their needs and feelings aside from yours. Do this by validating and acknowledging kid’s feelings to relieve insecurities and fear while going through the divorce.

Make sure you put your feelings aside and put children first in a divorce. You can cope with your feelings with another adult but don’t use kids as a sounding board.