Oct 18, 2014

Maybe one of the hardest conversation you could face, telling your spouse you want a divorce isn't easy. This can be a very tricky conversation and it can be hard to predict the reaction.

Telling your spouse you want a divorce will be difference for men and for women. It can also be different depending on the past of both you and your spouse. Here are some things to avoid and a few tips for dealing with the potential reaction.

What NOT to do during the conversation?

During this difficult conversation, there are a few things you want to avoid including:

• Don't tell others before you tell your spouse - Telling family and friends before you tell your spouse is just asking for trouble. At least give them the respect of telling them first.
• Don't pack your back and just leave - This conversation is necessary and you don't want to just pack your bags and leave.
• Don't just serve the papers - Having your spouse served with divorce papers certainly sends a message, but it may catch them completely off guard. Make sure you don't start a war by avoiding this conversation.

Handling the Reaction

Along with a few things you don't want to do, here are a few tips to handle the reaction.

• If they are surprised - If you get a reaction of surprise, you may have quite a bit to deal with. Keep in mind, you've probably already emotionally worked through this, if you've thought about it for quite some time. Your spouse may not have done this, so expect some push back and it may be best to remove yourself from the home, at this point.
• If they get angry - Anger should be expected and you want to do your best to remain calm. Again, they are behind you in the grieving process and this may seem surprising to them.
• If they are calm - Don't be fooled by a calm reaction to your thoughts of divorce. They may still be very angry at you. Make sure you remover yourself from the situation, even if they are calm.

Be careful with this type of conversation and if you plan to file for divorce, you should follow through. An empty threat won't be received the same way and if you don't plan to get divorced, don't use it as a threat.