Feb 26, 2014

If you or your partner cheated, it can be hard to know whether to tell the kids or keep it a secret from them. This is a very difficult situation, especially if the affair leads to you and your partner getting a divorce.

On one hand, admitting the affair makes the person that cheated look bad and nobody wants to look bad with their kids. However, if you keep a secret from them and they find out anyway, they may grow up with trust issues. This can cause incredible insecurities in their future relationships and sense of dependence.

We often want to shield our children from too much information. However, we forget that not giving them enough information can hurt them, too. We also forget how smart children can be and that they will one day grow up and start asking questions.

Does Your Child Need to Know All the Details?

It can be difficult to know how much to tell your child and how much to keep a secret. One thing to understand, they need two loving parents they can trust. This is vital to any family, whether going through a divorce or not. You may think the affair is an adult issue and not for your kids, but honesty, security and trust are also adult issues, which your children need.

Making your child feel secure with the parent that had the affair means you have to deal with the adult issues with your child. Their age may determine how much you tell them and how much they understand, but they do need to know, especially if the person you or your spouse cheated could become a step-parent one day.

The last thing you want is for your child to figure it out on their own or for someone outside the family to tell them about the fair. You may be getting divorced due to the affair, but remember, you're divorcing your spouse, not your children.

Honesty is a very important part of the child/parent relationship and if you want your children to get past your affair, you need to tell them.